Monkey is Funky

Of that there is no doubt.

I'm not a fan of remakes on the whole. However, I can't help being a little excited by the prospect of seeing Monkey once again returning to our screens. OK I'm sure it will be rubbish, but then the original was so bonkers will anyone notice? According to the BBC there will be deviations from the original plot. Based on memory that would probably mean that this time there will be a plot. Whatever. I'll be happy just so long as no-one works out that Tripitaka is a woman.

Just to get you in the mood and remind you that the Japanese are, to a woman, completly bonkers, dwell on this...

In the worlds before Monkey, primal chaos reigned.
Heaven sought order.
But the phoenix can fly only when its feathers are grown.
The four worlds formed again and yet again,
As endless aeons wheeled and passed.
Time and the pure essences of Heaven,
the moisture of the Earth,
the powers of the sun and the moon
All worked upon a certain rock, old as creation.
And it became magically fertile.
That first egg was named "Thought".
Tathagata Buddha, the Father Buddha, said,
"With our thoughts, we make the world."
Elemental forces caused the egg to hatch.
From it then came a stone monkey.
The nature of Monkey was irrepressible!

Oh fuck, it's Valentines Day tomorrow...

... and for once in my life I actually bought a card in advance. Jesus I feel smug. Now, just how many of you lot are, right this minute, trying to remember which of your local supermarkets is 24 hour? If you can I would get yourself down to Tesco where this prize awaits.



Well as they say, every little helps.

Getting all philosophical on your ass

Does God have sex? If so, who with? What's his favourite position? In many religions God is omnipresent which must make him a pretty effective sex machine. Obviously thinking is not common amongst your major religions which is just one of the reasons I'm not a believer (my main problem being the early mornings required by most). However, the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster holds no such taboos. Indeed, given his numerous noodly appendages it seems as if this particular deity was built for love as this picture neatly demonstrates.



Beat that one Buddha!

It ain't that hard people

Really it is quite simple. You get your money out of your pocket, tell the driver where you are going and then hand over some of your cash. You sit down and the bus pulls away. Viola. You have successfully managed to get on a bus. So why, oh why, oh why do so many people appear to have a problem with this? And why do they always appear to be getting on my bus, just in front of me?

I have a solution. Actually I have two, although the second does involve an IQ test, a machete and the breach of certain human rights. My other solution is to remove the obstacles that seem to impede the flow of people onto a bus. First get rid of the need for money. Give everyone an RFID card which you either charge up with money or let it debit your account. Maybe stick some biometric information on it, such as fingerprints and check it as they get on to ensure they are who they say they are. RFID means that people don't need fiddle about in their purse/pocket/bum back to find the correct money or argue with the driver as to why they only have a tenna. People should also be able to find a thumb without too much fuss.

Secondly, re-install separate exit doors. This would stop a mass of people hanging around the on door worried that when their stop arrives they will be unable to walk the 5 metres to the exit. The RFID tag could be monitored as you got off and you would be charged appropriately. Finally, put GPS locators and a transmitter on buses and install electronic displays at bus stops to show you exactly where your bus is. The GPS can also be used to ensure the driver doesn't go on the wrong route "...'cause this is my first time on this route, mate".

See, simple. Now give me a hard one.