MicroMart Reader Review

This morning on the train to work I noticed another way to win a MicroMart mug; by submitting a readers review of some item of computer paraphernalia. Quickly, I put together a rather ridiculous review of the last item I purchased (which if you are interested was a Samcheer removable hard disk caddy for 8 quid). I sent this off this morning. Basically I am employing a kind of competition-entry-pincer-like-movement in a bid to acquire one of these mugs. Why bother, when I have a perfectly good set of mugs at home in the cupboard? I dunno.

CC Entry 835

A few minutes on the train was all I needed to come up with another 4 entries to the MM caption competition. I've taken the carpet bombing approach in the hope that they will just get fed up and send me the mug (the prize is a MicroMart mug I learnt this week). Which reminds me. Did you know that a statistical analysis of bombs dropped on London during the Second World War revealed their pattern of distribution to be Poisson? Meaning that there was essentially no direction to any of the bombing.Well, apart from it was targeted at London and not Kettering.

MM Caption Competition Issue 835

Whilst not exactly a win I got an honorable mention for this weeks entry. My name was spelt incorrectly (MicroMart does appear to suffer from a lack of good spell checking) but that doesn't distract from the fact I got in. I also have to admit that the winner wasn't bad. I had submitted 4 captions for this one but the one they choose wasn't my favourite. Still, this is progress. I'm feeling quite positive about my chances for next week as I made loads of references to MicroMart which is something they appear to like. Now I need to focus on this weeks entry, looks like I have plenty to work with.

That which scares us...

"Fear will keep the local systems in line. Fear of this battlestation."

MicroMart Caption Competition

Easy. After about 20 minutes of hard staring at the caption (a picture apparently of this Michelle dressed as Bo-Peep) I came up with 4 of the most fabulous strokes of comic genius ever encapsulated in one sentenced and emailed to weekly computer magazine. Ok there were a couple more but I didn't think them appropriate for a family orientated publication. I won't spoil your enjoyment by repeating any here, you will just have to wait until Thursday when the next issue of MM is published. Is that success I can smell wafting my way? Yes, I think it is....

Caption Competition

I'm confused. A few weeks ago I found myself flicking through the latest copy of the weekly computer magazine MicroMart and came across their caption competition. You know the sort of thing; you submit a comic quote to the silly picture and the best wins ...errrmm .. I've just realised I have no idea what the prize is, or if there even is one. Anyway, the winner from the previous week was shown and believing I could do substantially better I emailed off a few entries. Now, due to some processing lags at the MicroMart offices the results of my entry didn't appear the following week. Instead the results of some older captions were presented, the quality of which simply reinforced my belief that I really did stand a good chance of winning. In fact, thinking I could make a regular appearance in this magazine, I fired off a series of comical quotes to that weeks caption and sat back awaiting the accolades to roll in. Finally, this mornning I bought the latest copy of MicroMart and found the results to the first caption competition I entered. But I haven't won. In fact I haven't even been mentioned. "Fair enough." I thought, "I know when I have been out joked". Eagerly I searched the page for the comic gem that had denied all of my entries. I found it. It's not a gem. In fact to be honest it is borderline comic. However, what it does do is to make reference to MicroMart and in particular to employees of MicroMart. A quick review of previous winners or runners -up revealed this to be an unsettling trend. Closer inspection revealed there to be a specific focus on two particular employees; Michelle and Simon, which does not bode well for last weeks entry. This week then, I intend to develop a caption which combines both real comedy with an obvious connection to MicroMart . That's not going to be easy as I have no knowledge of these people. Although, from previous winning captions I have the impression that Simon has little or no hair (either that or lots of it) and Michelle suffers from a lack of a Y-chromosone (a heinous crime for anyone associated with computing to commit). I am starting to have that nasty feeling that I am on the fringes of a minor obsession....

Word Factory

Assmosis (verb) To achieve career growth by excessive brown nosing

Word Factory

Testiculate (verb) Arm movements and gestures accompanying the speech of a bloke talking bollocks. As in "Despite all his testiculating none of us believed he had actually shagged her."

What do you believe is true even though you can't prove it?

Edge this year asked the question "What do you believe is true even though you cannot prove it?" to 120 of the worlds 'most complex and sophisticated minds' - and there really are some impressive names on the list. One of the things that I believe is true but cannot prove is that the rise of the blog is demonstrative of the fact that people need to talk more than they need to be heard. I feel this supports my long held view that most documentation is written to be written not to be read. I won't attempt to explain them because I believe they are true and I will try to fight the need.