The one were 'The Doctor' thinks he is Captain Kirk
In theory, I love Dr. Who. In theory Communism is a great idea. Unfortunately, despite the change of actor, Dr. Who still isn't living up to its' potential. Don't get me wrong I like David Tennant, he's a good actor. And I like his Doctor. He's irreverent, witty, wistful, strong etc. But that's the problem. I've only seen 60 minutes of him (and most of that he was asleep). So why do I like him? I can't know him in this time so it can only be becasue he is living off of the back of previous incarnations. And also because they desperately want you to like The Doctor, instantly. As your mate. Someone you might join down the pub and then go back to his with a take out Jalfrazi to play the latest football game on the XBox. Which just isn't the relationship you should have with The Doctor. In my mind you should grow to like The Doctor despite him, over a period of time. Not in a is-the-doctor-allowed-out-to-play-football-missus kind of way but more like that teacher everyone thought was pretty cool. You know the one, even the 'ard kids said "Yeah, I guess he's alright, for a teacher".
The big mistake they are making though is letting compost based man-twat Russell T. Davies write any of the stories. "The Christmas Invasion". This will be an episode where aliens attempt to invade us at Christmas, I'm guessing. And it will be shown on Christmas Day. Genius. This is so sloppy I'm surprised the entire cast didn't have to wear bibs through most of the scenes. I have a mental image of RTD which is very much like Matt Lucas's Barabra Cartland-esque character Dame Sally Markham but dressed more like John McCririck on his summer hols. Sat eating pugwash flavoured truffles, reeling off 28 word outline treatments before telling his PA to just tag episode 9 of Star Trek on the end. You know, where they encounter a being of 'pure energy' (a coloured cloud) the like of which Spook had never seen before (did he not see the show the week before last? Alright it was mainly red that week but still, how much of a disguise can a being of pure energy muster?). After a brief display of power, Kirk and Co.* manage to back the super intelligent electric cumulus into a logical corner using some superficial thought paradox where the only option left is for it to manifest itself in human form and resolve the issue via the debating medium that is a good fist-fight with Kirk. The final outcome being that the Enterprise is saved with the neuro-altostratus declaring that "perhaps humans are more interesting that it had realised". Ring any bells? Alright the BBC got all 'edgy' and had the alien ship destroyed. But The Doctor. In a Paga? What the fuck?
What can we expect next season? Will the opening shot be one of Rose taken roughly from behind over the control panel of the Tardis whilst The Doctor downs a bottle of Peroni before giving a cheeky 'alright lads' wink to camera? I fear that with the way things are going it is an odds on certainty that the next person to play him will be Robbie Williams. With his mum as his assistant (he loves her you know) as well as the ubiquitous Jonathan Wilkes (he's his best mate and from Stoke too) the Tardis would quickly be filled with a bevy of busty blonde tarts with regular appearances from Ant and Dec, Tom Jones and several overpaid celebrity psycho-analysts (because it's tough being a rich popstar you know). Bring back K9, at least the cunt might trip up over him.
Pip, pip.
*much like 70 's dance troupe Legs and Co. but more hard-core
The big mistake they are making though is letting compost based man-twat Russell T. Davies write any of the stories. "The Christmas Invasion". This will be an episode where aliens attempt to invade us at Christmas, I'm guessing. And it will be shown on Christmas Day. Genius. This is so sloppy I'm surprised the entire cast didn't have to wear bibs through most of the scenes. I have a mental image of RTD which is very much like Matt Lucas's Barabra Cartland-esque character Dame Sally Markham but dressed more like John McCririck on his summer hols. Sat eating pugwash flavoured truffles, reeling off 28 word outline treatments before telling his PA to just tag episode 9 of Star Trek on the end. You know, where they encounter a being of 'pure energy' (a coloured cloud) the like of which Spook had never seen before (did he not see the show the week before last? Alright it was mainly red that week but still, how much of a disguise can a being of pure energy muster?). After a brief display of power, Kirk and Co.* manage to back the super intelligent electric cumulus into a logical corner using some superficial thought paradox where the only option left is for it to manifest itself in human form and resolve the issue via the debating medium that is a good fist-fight with Kirk. The final outcome being that the Enterprise is saved with the neuro-altostratus declaring that "perhaps humans are more interesting that it had realised". Ring any bells? Alright the BBC got all 'edgy' and had the alien ship destroyed. But The Doctor. In a Paga? What the fuck?
What can we expect next season? Will the opening shot be one of Rose taken roughly from behind over the control panel of the Tardis whilst The Doctor downs a bottle of Peroni before giving a cheeky 'alright lads' wink to camera? I fear that with the way things are going it is an odds on certainty that the next person to play him will be Robbie Williams. With his mum as his assistant (he loves her you know) as well as the ubiquitous Jonathan Wilkes (he's his best mate and from Stoke too) the Tardis would quickly be filled with a bevy of busty blonde tarts with regular appearances from Ant and Dec, Tom Jones and several overpaid celebrity psycho-analysts (because it's tough being a rich popstar you know). Bring back K9, at least the cunt might trip up over him.
Pip, pip.
*much like 70 's dance troupe Legs and Co. but more hard-core
posted by AntToeKnee at 12:02 PM
5 Comments:
Hate to shatter your illusions about Mr Davis ToeKnee but:
(a) He looks like this.
(b) He was one of the writers on Chuckle Vision.
...if you need to re-evaluate your critique based on this new evidence you will be pleased to know that I have the episode on my Humax PVR 9200T! :)
My imagination could not have conceived of such an unholy mass.
I'm not surprised by the chuckle vision connection. In fact the problem might be that he has forgotten who he is writing for. I expect The Doctor will soon be claiming he is from Rotherham, working for Dan the Man and using the phrases "No slacking" and "To me, from you".
Not that I have ever watched Chuckle Vision you understand...
I submit m'lud that you do indeed watch the said program as evidenced by your own hand on Sunday December 11 2005 in a missive titled 'Coffin Fit'.
We close the case m'lud and press for full settlement of charges and punative damages.
In your description of mate:
"Someone you might join down the pub and then go back to his with a take out Jalfrazi to play the latest football game on the XBox"
You forgot to mention the bit where he throws your curry all over the kitchen floor. Perhaps you have another term for that twat...
Is it just me, or do other people slightly baulk at the use of the word cunt? It's ace isn't it.
I am so with you on the Dr Who thing - I tink there's a desparate need in the British psyche for a decent script. Don't get mad, get writing!
Post a Comment
<< Home