SOSUV: The Devils Ringpiece

Bear with me on this, I know where I am going.

There are three major forms of fossil fuels: coal, oil and natural gas. The age when they were formed is called the Carboniferous Period (part of the Paleozoic Era if you are really interested) and occurred from about 360 to 286 million years ago. Oil has been used for more than 5,000-6,000 years. The ancient Sumerians, Assyrians and Babylonians used crude oil and asphalt (or 'pitch') collected from large seeps at Tuttul (modern-day Hit) on the Euphrates River. The ancient Egyptians, used liquid oil as a medicine for wounds, and oil has been used in lamps to provide light. However, it wasn't until 1859, when Edwin L. Drake pumped the first oil from underground in Pennsylvania USA, that the mass extraction of oil began.

Now, in recent times the majority of oil extracted from the Earth has been used to power transportation; airplanes, boats, cars, motorbikes, etc. Millions of years in the making with the potential to accelerate our technological evolution. A free, but limited energy stepping stone for mankind. You can almost believe it to be a divine gift (if your that way inclined) for making it down from the trees and getting along with each other a bit better (relatively speaking, obviously). And what do we do with it? Yep, burn it.

Yes I know that to liberate the potential energy bound up in the fuel the rapid chemical reaction known as combustion is very useful. And yes I'm sure that some very important developments in mankinds advancement have been made possible because people get to travel to each other. No it's not that we do it. It's not even that we do it a lot (well it is that too). It's just how it is done that can really annoy me. Well, OK, I'll be honest, its fucking Sports Utility Vehicles that annoy me.

How they look. How they are driven. Them that drives them.

Tell me, at what point does some city dwelling, overpaid halfwit have the thought "Blimey, the grass verges outside Tristians* school are getting a bit overgrown I doubt the Jaguar will have the horse power to get off on a dewy morning. I wonder what kind of vehicle I could buy to deal with this issue?" And when they do have this little conversation with themselves, where the hell does the notion of buying the Suburu XRTDD9000 Ex-Military Bastard Wagon become a perfectly reasonable solution? I ask you! (does a rhetorical question need a question mark? Hell, here's one just in case '?')

I think that drivers of SUVs are a 'special' breed; as in sat - at - the - back - of - the - class - with - a - book - with - no - big - words - in - during - english - lessons - smelling - of - wee special. Of which their elite is the Single Occupancy SUV driver (SOSUV).

One man (or sadly to say quite often one woman). One tank. One mile per gallon.

I'm fortunate enough to be able to observe this particular group in one of their many natural habitats in one of the wealthy parts of Cheshire in the UK (I don't live their, I just work there). And I'm pretty sure they have all been on the same SOSUV driving course which must consist of the following classes;

• Eye contact and how to avoid it


• Nudging out in an SUV, even white van drivers think twice


• Lifts and 25 excuses for not giving them


• Bluetooth headsets and other paraphernalia to make you feel more like Captain Scarlet


• The road and why you own it [joint class with drivers of 'Marques of Distinction']

I might be alone in my world, but I'm not alone in my dislike for SUVs.

*AntToeKnee would like to take this opportunity to apologise to anyone called Tristian. However, with a name like that you probably deserve it so this an opportunity he won't be taking. Sorry.