Nobody asked me but...

...no, I don't think Noel Coward would approve of the Bush administration.

I happen to be in a fortunate position when it comes to knowing the mind of the late Noel Coward. For nearly 40 years my father has been in regular contact with his dead spirit. What is perhaps most remarkable about this is, for the first 10 years, Noel Coward was still alive. Indeed at the precise moment he died on the 26th March 1973 he was busy lecturing my father, as he often did, on the joy of the theatre. "The theatre should be treated with respect. The theatre is a wonderful place, a house of strange enchantment, a temple of illusion. What it most emphatically is not and never will be is..." at which point he announced that he felt somewhat dizzy and would reconnect again in a moment. As promised, a few minutes later my father could once again hear the familiar call of "Dear boy, dear boy! as Noel always referred to him. He then continued "Now, where was I? ahh yes.. What it most emphatically is not and never will be is a scruffy, ill-lit, fumed-oak drill hall serving as a temporary soap box for political propaganda." Apparently, during this brief pause, Noel Coward had taken the opportunity to die of a heart attack and pass over to the other side. My father tells me that this event had two noticeable affects on their discussions. First, it seemed to improve Noel Cowards overall state of mind because of, one must assume, more liberal attitudes in the afterlife towards things like homosexuality and the wearing of smoking jackets. Secondly, it greatly reduced the background noise.

Ever since Noel has kept my father appraised of current thinking in the spirit world, on a wide variety of matters. For instance I recently learnt that Genghis Karn believes Sven to be right in keeping England in a 4-4-2 formation. Also, whilst they admit they aren't experts, Albert Einstein and Tomas de Torquemada (who in 1483 became the inquisitor-general for most of Spain) both feel that the 'Pop Idol' formula isn't working anymore and "...that Simon Cowell bloke can be a complete cunt." (Einsteins words apparently)

On George 'dubya' Bush, Noel has this to say; "He is a first class buffoon. Whilst I am quite prepared, on occasion, to suffer a fool, I would not extend an invitation to anyone with such obvious consanguinity to the ape world." And if he is no good for Noel Coward, then he is no good for England. Pip, pip. Chin up.